"B" for Climate Change: Blah Blah Blah

ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ

၂၀၂၁ ခုနစ် စက်တင်ဘာလက မီလန်နိုင်ငံမှာ ပြုလုပ်တဲ့ ရာသီဥတုအရေးအတွက် လူငယ်များကွန့်ဖရန့် (Youth4Climate Conference) မှာ မိန့်ခွန်းစကားပြောဖို့ ဂရီသာသွန်းဘတ် စင်ပေါ်မှာရှိနေခဲ့ပါတယ်။ သူမရဲ့ ဘေးမှာထိုင်နေတာကတော့ နှာခေါင်းစည်းတပ်ထားတဲ့ မြို့တော်ဝန် ဂျူစပေ့ဆာလာ ဖြစ်ပါတယ်။ သွန်းဘတ်ဟာ အရပ်၅ပေမျှရှိတာကြောင့် သူမရပ်နေပုံဟာ စကားပြောစင်နောက်မှာ မြင်ရရုံလေးသာ ရှိပါတယ်။ သူမက တပ်ထားတဲ့နှာခေါင်းစည်းကိုဖြုတ်ပြီး စင်အောက်ကလူထုကို ပြုံးပြနေပါတယ်။

“ကမ္ဘာ့ရာသီဥတုပြောင်းလာခြင်းဆိုတာ တဖက်ကကြည့်ရင် ခြိမ်းခြောက်မှုတစ်ခုဖြစ်ပြီး တခြားတဖက်ကကြည့်ရင်တော့ ကျွန်မတို့အတွက် ပိုပြီး ကျန်းမာတဲ့ စိမ်းလန်းတဲ့ သန့်ရှင်းတဲ့ ကမ္ဘာမြေကို ဖန်တီးဖို့ အခွင့်အလမ်းတစ်ခုဖြစ်ပါတယ်။” လို့ သူမက မိန့်ခွန်းကို စတင်လိုက်ပါတယ်။ “ဂေဟစနစ်ထိန်းသိမ်းခြင်းနဲ့ ကောင်းမွန်တဲ့ဖွံ့ဖြိုးတိုးတတ်မှုအတွက် ကျွန်မတို့ ဒီအခွင့်အရေးကို ဖမ်းဆုပ်ရပါမယ်။ အပြောနဲ့တင်မဟုတ်ဘဲ ကျွန်မတို့အားလုံး အတူတကွဆောင်ရွက်ကြမယ်ဆိုရင် ကျွန်မတို့အောင်မြင်နိုင်မယ်ဆိုတာ အသေအချာပါပဲ။”

“ကမ္ဘာ့ရာသီဥတုပြောင်းလဲလာခြင်းလို့ ပြောလိုက်ရင် ရှင်တို့ ဘယ်အကြောင်းအရာကို တွေးမိပါသလဲ။” လို့ သူမဆက်ပြောပါတယ်။ “ကျွန်မကတော့ သဘာဝပတ်ဝန်းကျင်ထိန်းသိမ်းခြင်းနဲ့ဆိုင်တဲ့ စီးပွါးရေးကိစ္စ၊ အစိမ်းရောင်လုပ်ငန်းတွေအကြောင်း တွေးမိပါတယ်။” လို့ ပြောလိုက်ချိန်မှာ လူအုပ်စုကြီးဆီက လက်ခုပ်သံတွေ ကျယ်လောင်စွာ ထွက်ပေါ်လာပါတယ်။

“ကျွန်မတို့တွေ ကာဗွန်လျော့ချခြင်း စီးပွါးရေးလုပ်ငန်းတွေကို ဖော်ဆောင်ဖို့အတွက် လွယ်ကူရိုးရှင်းတဲ့ အပြောင်းအလဲတွေကို ရှာဖွေရပါမယ်။ ဒုတိယကမ္ဘာဆိုတဲ့ Planet B ဆိုတာ မရှိဘူး၊ တခြားကမ္ဘာ ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ၊ ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ” ထိုအချိန်မှာ မြို့တော်ဝင် ဆာလာ အပါအဝင် နားထောင်နေတဲ့ လူအုပ်ကြီးဟာ ဒါဟာ အကြောင်းအရာတစ်ခုကို သွန်းဘတ် လှောင်ပြောင်နေတယ်ဆိုတာ သဘောပေါက်လာပြီး လက်ခုပ်သံတွေ တဖြည်းဖြည်းတိတ်သွားပါတယ်။

သွန်းဘတ် စကားထပ်ဆက်ပါတယ်။ “ပိုပြီး ကောင်းမွန်အောင် ပြန်လည်တည်ဆောက်ကြမယ် ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ”

“အစိမ်းရောင်စီးပွါးရေး ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ”

“၂၀၅၀ အမှီ ဦးတည်တဲ့ ဖန်လုံအိမ်ဓာတ်ငွေ့ ထုတ်လုပ်မှုပမာဏ သုညအမှတ် ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ”

“ဖန်လုံအိမ်အာနိသင်ဓာတ်ငွေ့ထုတ်လွှတ်မှူ ထိန်းချုပ်ခြင်း ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ”

“တနည်းအားဖြင့် ကာဗွန်ထုတ်လွှတ်မှု သုညအမှတ် ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ”

“ဒီစကားတွေက ကမ္ဘာ့ခေါင်းဆောင်ဆိုတဲ့ လူတွေဆီက ကျွန်မတို့ အမြဲကြားနေရတဲ့ စကားလုံးတွေပါ။ စကားလုံးသပ်သပ်သာဖြစ်ပြီး အခုချိန်ထိ အကောင်အထည်ဖော်မှုမရှိတဲ့ အရာတွေပါ။ ဟုတ်ပါတယ်၊ ကျွန်မတို့ အပြုသဘောဆောင်တဲ့ ဆွေးနွေးမှုတွေ ပြုလုပ်ဖို့လိုတယ်ဆိုတာ လက်ခံပါတယ်။ ဒါပေမယ့် အခု နှစ်ပေါင်း ၃၀ နီးပါး ကြာလာခဲ့တာ ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ။ ဘယ်မှာလဲ အကောင်အထည်ဖော်နိုင်မှု။”

၁၉၉၂ ခုနှစ်မှာ ကမ္ဘာ့ခေါင်းဆောင်ဆိုသူတွေဟာ ရီယိုဒီဂျနေရိုးမြို့ မှာ ပြုလုပ်တဲ့ ကမ္ဘာမြေအတွက် ထိပ်သီးအစည်းအဝေး (Earth Summit) ဆိုတဲ့ စုဝေးပွဲမှာ တွေ့ဆုံခဲ့ကြပါတယ်။ တက်ရောက်လာတဲ့သူတိုင်းဟာ ကမ္ဘာမြေအတွက် ပြောင်းလဲမှုအသစ်တစ်ရပ် လိုအပ်နေတယ်ဆိုတာကို သဘောတူလက်ခံကြပါတယ်။ ထိုအချိန်က သဘာဝဘေးအန္တရာယ် ဖြစ်ရပ်ဆိုးတွေကို ကျော်လွှားဖို့ နှစ်စဉ်ထုတ်လွှတ်နေတဲ့ ကာဗွန်ဒိုင်အောက်ဆိုဒ်တန်ချိန် ၂၂ဘီလီယံကို သုညအမှတ်နီးပါးရောက်အောင် လျော့ချဖို့ လိုအပ်နေခဲ့ပါတယ်။ ဒီလိုလျော့ချနိုင်ဖို့ ဘယ်လိုအကောင်အထည်ဖော်ကြမလဲဆိုတာ ဘယ်သူမှ သေချာမသိခဲ့ကြပါဘူး။ ဒါပေမယ့် ကမ္ဘာ့ကုလသမဂ္ဂ ရာသီဥတုအရေးဆိုင်ရာဆောင်ရွက်မှု သဘောတူညီချက် ဆိုတဲ့ UNFCCC မှာ ဒီအန္တရာယ်ရှိတယ်ဆိုတဲ့ ကမ္ဘာကြီးပူနွေးလာမှု ကို ဖြေရှင်းကြဖို့ အမေရိကန်သမ္မတ ဂျော့ဟားဘတ်ဝါကာဘုရှ် က ဝမ်းမြောက်ဝမ်းသာပဲ လက်မှတ်ရေးထိုးခဲ့ပါတယ်။

“တချို့တွေက ကမ္ဘာကြီးမှာ ရင်ဆိုင်နေရတဲ့ ပြဿနာကြီးကြီးမားမားတွေကို ကြောက်ရွံ့ကြပြီး စိုးရိမ်ကြီးကြပါတယ်။ ဒီလို အဆိုးဘက်တွေးတောမှုတွေဟာ မမှန်ကန်ပါဘူး၊ မတွေးအပ်ဘူးလို့လည်း ကျွန်တော်ကတော့ လက်ခံထားပါတယ်။” လို့ ဘုရှ်က ပြောပါတယ်။

ကမ္ဘာမြေအတွက် ထိပ်သီးအစည်းအဝေး စုဝေးမှုအပြီး ၅နှစ်ကြာမှာ ပါတီများတွေ့ဆုံပွဲ (Conference of Parties) ဆိုတဲ့ COP ကို နောက်ဆက်တွဲ စုဝေးပွဲအဖြစ် ၁၉၉၇ ခုနစ် ကျိုတိုမြို့မှာ ထပ်မံပြုလုပ်ခဲ့ပါတယ်။ အဲ့ဒီအချိန်မှာ နှစ်စဉ်ထုတ်လွှတ်နေတဲ့ ကာဗွန်ဒိုင်အောက်ဆိုဒ် ပမာဏဟာ ၂၄ ဘီလီယံတန်ထိ တိုးမြင့်လာနေပါတယ်။ ထိုတွေ့ဆုံမှုအတွင်း အပြန်အလှန်ဆွေးနွေးမှုများ ပြုလုပ်ကြပြီး ကမ္ဘာ့ရာသီဥတုအရေးအတွက် တစ်ခုခုပြီးမြောက်အောင် လုပ်ဆောင်ဖို့ သဘောတူညီချက်တွေ ထပ်မံပြုလုပ်ခဲ့ပါတယ်။ ကျိုတိုလုပ်ငန်းစဉ် (Kyoto Protocol) အမည်ရှိတဲ့ လုပ်ဆောင်ချက်ကို ကမ္ဘာ့ကုလသမဂ္ဂ ရာသီဥတုအရေးဆိုင်ရာဆောင်ရွက်မှု သဘောတူညီချက် (UNFCCC) မှာ ထပ်တိုးဆောင်ရွက်ချက်အဖြစ် သတ်မှတ်လိုက်ပြီး နိုင်ငံအသီးသီးရဲ့ ဓာတ်ငွေ့ထုတ်လုပ်မှု လျော့ချမယ့်ပမာဏအတိအကျကို သတ်မှတ်ရင်း ပြည့်မှီအောင် ဆောင်ရွက်ကြဖို့ ဆုံးဖြတ်ခဲ့ကြပါတယ်။

ထိုအချိန်မှာ အမေရိကန်ဒုသမ္မတ အယ်ဂိုရီက “ကျွန်တော်တို့ အားလုံး အောင်အောင်မြင်မြင် ဆောင်ရွက်နိုင်လိမ့်မယ်ဆိုတာ ကျွန်တော် တထစ်ချ ယုံကြည်ပါတယ်” လို့ ပွဲတက်ရောက်သူတွေကို ပြောကြားခဲ့ပါတယ်။

ကျိုတိုတွေ့ဆုံပွဲအပြီးမှာ ကမ္ဘာ့ဓာတ်ငွေ့ ကာဗွန်ဒိုင်အောက်ဆိုဒ် ထုတ်လွှတ်မှုပမာဏ ဟာ ပိုလို့တောင် မြင့်တက်လာခဲ့ပြီး ၂၀၀၉ ခုနစ်မှာ နှစ်စဥ်တန်ချိန် ၃၂ ဘီလီယံထိတောင် တိုးလာခဲ့ပါတယ်။ ၂၀၀၉ ခုနစ် ဒီဇင်ဘာလမှာပဲ သမ္မတ ဘားရက်အိုမားဘားဟာ ကမ္ဘာ့ရာသီဥတုအရေးဆိုင်ရာ ပါတီများတွေ့ဆုံပွဲ ၁၅ကြိမ်မြောက် (COP15) ကို တက်ရောက်ဖို့ ကိုပီဟေဂန်မြို့ကို သွားရောက်ခဲ့ပြီး “ကျွန်တော်တို့ ဒီရာသီဥတုအရေးကို အတူတကွဖြေရှင်းနိုင်ဖို့ ပြတ်ပြတ်သားသားနဲ့ တစိုက်မက်မက် ဆောင်ရွက်ကြလိမ့်မယ်လို့ ကျွန်တော် ယုံကြည်ပါတယ်။” ဆိုပြီး မိန့်ခွန်းပြောကြားခဲ့ပါတယ်။

သို့သော်လည်း ၂၀၁၅ ခုနစ်မှာတော့ ကမ္ဘာ့ဓာတ်ငွေ့ ကာဗွန်ဒိုင်အောက်ဆိုဒ် ထုတ်လွှတ်မှု ပမာဏ ဟာ နှစ်စဉ် ၃၅ ဘီလီယံတန်ချိန်ထိ တိုးမြင့်လာနေခဲ့ပါတယ်။ ထိုနှစ်မှာပဲ ပဲရစ်မြို့မှာ ပြုလုပ်တဲ့ ကမ္ဘာ့ရာသီဥတုအရေးဆိုင်ရာ ပါတီများတွေ့ဆုံပွဲ ၂၁ကြိမ်မြောက် (COP21) မှာတော့ ဒီအရေးကိစ္စကို သေသေချာချာနဲ့ အမှန်အကန် ဆောင်ရွက်ကြတော့မယ်လို့ အပြင်းအထန် ဆုံးဖြတ်ခဲ့ကြပါတယ်။ “ဒီနေရာမှာ ချမှတ်တဲ့ ကျွန်တော်တို့ရဲ့ ဆုံးဖြတ်ချက်တွေဟာ လူတွေရဲ့အသက်တွေ အနာဂတ်ဖြစ်ရပ်တွေကို များစွာ သက်ရောက်မှု ရှိနေပါတယ်။” လို့ ကမ္ဘာ့ကုလသမဂ္ဂ အတွေးရေးမှု ဘတ်ကီမွန်း က ပြောကြားခဲ့ပါတယ်။ သို့ပေမယ့်လည်း ကမ္ဘာ့ဓာတ်ငွေ့ပမာဏ ဟာ မြင့်တက်လာနေဆဲပဲ ဖြစ်ခဲ့ပါတယ်။ သမိုင်းမှာ နှစ်ပေါင်း၃၀၀၀ ကြာမြင့်မှ ရောက်လာနိုင်တဲ့ ကာဗွန်ဒိုင်အောက်ဆိုဒ်ပမာဏကို ကမ္ဘာပေါ်က လူတွေဟာ နှစ်ပေါင်း ၃၀ အတွင်းမှာပဲ ထုတ်လွှတ်ခဲ့ကြပါတယ်။

အဲ့လိုမျိုး ‘ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ’ ဆိုတဲ့ အပြောကတိကဝတ်တွေသာရှိပြီး လက်တွေ့လုပ်ဆောင်မှုမရှိခဲ့တဲ့ ကာလတွေအတွင်းမှာပဲ ကမ္ဘာ့ရာသီဥတုအရေးဟာ အနာဂတ်မှာကြုံရမယ့်ပြဿနာမဟုတ်တော့ဘဲ ယခုမျက်မှောက်မှာ ရင်ဆိုင်နေရတဲ့ ကိစ္စရပ်ကြီး ဖြစ်လာနေပါပြီ။ ရီယိုဒီဂျနေရိုးမြို့ မှာ ပြုလုပ်ခဲ့တဲ့ စုဝေးပွဲ ကာလမှာပဲ အာတိတ်ရေခဲပြင်တွေဟာ ၅ပုံ၂ပုံ အရည်ပျော်ကျနေခဲ့တာပဲ ဖြစ်ပါတယ်။ ဂရင်းလန်းနိုင်ငံက ရေခဲပြင်တွေဟာလည်း ၄မီလီယံမက်ထရစ်တန်လောက် အရေပျော်ကြနေပြီး ရေခဲတောင်တွေဟာလည်း ၆မီလီယံတန်လောက် ဆုံးရှုံးနေခဲ့ပြီး ဖြစ်ပါတယ်။ အပူလှိုင်းတွေက ပိုပြီးအပူချိန်တိုးလာတယ်။ မိုးခေါင်မှုတွေ ပိုပြီးဆိုးဝါးလာတယ်။ မုန်တိုင်းတွေ ပိုပြီး ပြင်းထန်လာပါတယ်။ ကမ္ဘာ့နေရာအချို့မှာဆို တောမီးထလောင်မှုတွေ ဆက်တိုက် ဖြစ်ပေါ်လာနေပါတယ်။

ဒီဖြစ်စဉ်တွေကနေ အနှစ်ချုပ် သုံးသပ်ကြည့်မယ်ဆိုရင်တော့ မြေကမ္ဘာဟာ အန္တရာယ်ရှိတယ်လို့ ခြိမ်းခြောက်နေတဲ့ ပူနွေးလာမှုကို ရပ်တန့်ဖို့ မဖြစ်လာနိုင်သေးပါဘူးဆိုတာ အသေအချာပါပဲ။ ဒါပေမယ့် ကမ္ဘာ့ခေါင်းဆောင်ဆိုသူတွေကတော့ ရာသီဥတုအရေးဆိုင်ရာပါတီများ တွေ့ဆုံပွဲတွေမှာ နှစ်စဉ်တွေ့ဆုံနေကြပြီး ‘ဖန်လုံအိမ်ဓာတ်ငွေ့ ထုတ်လုပ်မှုပမာဏ သုညအမှတ်’ ‘ကာဗွန်ထုတ်လွှတ်မှုလျော့ချတဲ့စီးပွါးရေး’ စတဲ့ အကြောင်းအရာတွေကို ဟိတ်ကြီးဟန်ကြီး ပြောဆိုဆွေးနွေးနေကြဆဲပဲ ဖြစ်ပါတယ်။ ဆိုတော့ ထိုအရေးကိစ္စ ပြောင်းလဲလာမှုမရှိခြင်းနဲ့အတူ တခြား ကြီးကြီးမားမားပြောင်းလဲလာမှုတွေကို ရင်ဆိုင်လာရတော့မှာပဲ ဖြစ်ပါတယ်။ ကောက်ပဲသီးနှံတွေ ပမာဏအတော်အတန် ဆုံးရှုံးလာရတော့ပါမယ်။ အရည်ပျော်ကျနေပြီဖြစ်တဲ့ ဂရင်းလန်းက ရေခဲပြင်တွေ အလျင်အမြန်နဲ့ ထပ်မံဆုံးရှုံးလာရပါတော့မယ်။ အချို့နေရာတွေမှာ ပင်လယ်ရေမျက်နှာပြင် မြင့်တက်လာနေပြီး အချို့နေရာတွေမှာတော့ သဲကန္တာရဖြစ်ထွန်းမှုတွေ စတင်လာနေပါပြီ။ ကမ္ဘာရဲ့ဒေသအတော်များများဟာ သက်ရှိတွေနေထိုင်လို့မရတော့တဲ့ နေရာတွေ ဖြစ်လာပါတော့မယ်။

ဒါပေမယ့် ရာသီဥတုအရေးအတွက်လူငယ်များကွန့်ဖရန့် မှာတော့ သွန်းဘတ်က အဆိုပါအနှစ်ချုပ်မျိုး မပြောခဲ့ပါဘူး။ မီလန်မှာရှိတဲ့ လူထုကို သူမ ပြောခဲ့တာက “ကမ္ဘာ့ရာသီဥတုအရေးအတွက် ကျွန်မတို့တွေက လက်ရှိ လမ်းမှားပေါ်မှာ အရှိန်အဟုန်ပြင်းပြင်းနဲ့ လျှောက်လှမ်းနေကြတာပါ။ ဒါပေမယ့် ကျွန်မတို့အားလုံး လမ်းမှန်ဘက်ကို ပြန်လှည့်ဖို့ သေချာပေါက် ဖြစ်နိုင်ပါသေးတယ်။”

“ကမ္ဘာ့ခေါင်းဆောင်တွေရဲ့ ‘ဆောင်ရွက်နိုင်တယ် အကောင်အထည်ဖော်နိုင်တယ်’ ဆိုတဲ့ ကတိကဝတ်တွေလိုမျိုး မဟုတ်ပါဘူး။ သူတို့က တကယ်လုပ်ဆောင်ဖို့ ရည်ရွယ်ချက်ရှိတဲ့သူတွေ မဟုတ်လို့ပါပဲ။ ဒါပေမယ့် ကျွန်မတို့တွေကတော့ အဲ့လိုမဟုတ်ပါဘူး။ ကျွန်မတို့လုပ်နိုင်တယ်လို့ သန္နိဋ္ဌာန်ချမှုဟာ ကျွန်မတို့ တကယ်လုပ်နိုင်လို့ပဲ ဖြစ်ပါတယ်။”

သွန်းဘတ်ဟာ ကမ္ဘာ့ခေါင်းဆောင်ဆိုသူတွေရဲ့ အပြောသာရှိပြီး လက်တွေ့အကောင်အထည်ဖော်မှုမရှိတဲ့ ရာသီဥတုအရေးဆိုင်ရာ ကတိပေးပြောစကားတွေကို “ဘလာ ဘလာ ဘလာ” ဆိုပြီး လှောင်ပြောင်ခဲ့ခြင်းပဲ ဖြစ်ပါတယ်။

ဘာသာပြန် - ရွှေသင်း

Climate Change from A to Z (Elizabeth Kolbert)

My Diary Over the Past Two Weeks Part-2

Life continues…

Another week also meant that my last week had begun, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that time was slipping away too quickly. I kept thinking, ‘I have to leave this Friday, like tomorrow,’ and I felt unsatisfied like I hadn’t had enough time here.

The day started with a new roommate; an old student of this program. She seemed very simple, young and cute, and she would be leading a workshop on healing through art. I had been looking forward to this, having already experienced painting together with my friend in this class before. As we painted silently side by side, I found myself growing deeply attached to her. I realized I was still lingering in the past, and this class and environment were helping me relive and heal those past moments. I thought of my friends, where were they now? What were they doing? It saddened me to know that we would never meet again in this place as we once had. Nothing can happen twice in the same way.

So, at that afternoon, I walked around Asherm, taking photos and reminiscing about the past. I felt disheartened, realizing that back then, I had been so absorbed in spending time with one close friend that I hadn’t truly noticed my surroundings or connected with others. While I had been happy, I also regretted it. This time, I resolved to connect with all my friends and spend my last precious week deeply engaged with them.

In the afternoon session, our teacher showed a documentary about a Yazidi girl named Nadia, who had been attacked and abused by ISIS. The film followed her journey as she sought to raise awareness and call for help from the UN and other organizations for the Yazidi people suffering from genocide. As I watched, I felt an indescribable pain. I was deeply angry and angry at the interviewers who forced her to recount her rape and abuse in painful detail, and angry at the so-called ‘white-collar’ figures who pretended to care about genocide. As a Myanmar citizen, I had experienced similar false hope from these organizations regarding the Rohingya genocide and, later, the military coup in 2021. People were being killed, raped, and had their homes destroyed, yet these organizations did nothing but release statements saying they were ‘concerned’ for Myanmar’s people.

That evening, tears streamed down my face despite my efforts to hold them back in front of the whole class. At dinner, my fellow Myanmar friends and we joked about our own crying, masking our pain with laughter. I noticed that friends from other tables were staring at us in confusion, just moments ago, we had been crying seriously, and now we were laughing loudly as a group. But that is who we are; Myanmar people are strong. No matter the situation, we make jokes, we try to live in the moment, because all our lives, we have lived under oppression, suffering from brutality and hopelessness, with no certainty for the future, not even for tomorrow.

That night, I talked with my roommate, who was an art therapist. As I spoke about my family and my little sister, I suddenly broke down in tears. She listened quietly, and though she didn’t say much, I could feel her warmth and care. Later, I went to the meditation hall to study and read alone as usual, but this time, I also hoped that listening to my friend’s prayers would bring me some relief from my pain. However, there was no one there that night. Around midnight, I lost control and wept silently, alone in the meditation hall, for half an hour. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop crying. When I finally left, I looked up and noticed the stars shining in the sky. I gazed at them for a few minutes, and somehow, I felt a surge of energy from them. With that, I turned back and walked to my place.

The next morning, I went jogging to relieve my headache. When I returned, my roommate gave me a flower essence to help me relax my overwhelmed feelings. That morning, I felt sleepy and realized that I tend to cope with pain by sleeping. I knew I needed a nap.

That evening, there was a movie session where we watched Dances with Wolves, a film about the Native American Lakota people. During the screening, we laughed, felt shocked, shy, and sad, we experienced a whirlwind of emotions. There were many love-making scenes, which felt strange to watch with friends. Normally, in Myanmar, we would skip such scenes when watching in a group. But this time, we didn’t. And in that moment, I saw the beauty of human connection in love. It made me reflect why is something so natural often hidden and avoided in public discussions, especially for women? Why is talking about sex treated as unrelated to us? I appreciated this environment, where we could acknowledge real things without pretense.

The next day, we had a reflection session on the movie. In the morning class, we discussed how human beings are hurt whether 'by accident, by contagion, or by oppression.' I discussed my family with my friend. We, as Asian people, share similar experiences; children absorb their parents' pain like contagion. After that, the teacher shared an important lesson on 'living a good life' which includes having accurate information, close friendships, good health, healing or release, wishful goals, and bold action, whether alone or together.

This was followed by an afternoon class on Healing with Art. We were asked to connect with nature, and I created a nest that represented myself. When my classmates shared their nests, we wrote messages expressing our feelings for each other. I received so many messages, and surprisingly, most of them aligned with the emotions I had poured into my nest. In my reflection note, I wrote: I found myself in nature again.

On the morning of my last day, I cherished the remaining 12 hours I had with my friends. I knew these moments would never come again in the exact same way, just like the past moments I had already lived. That day, I gave a presentation about my hometown, which I had prepared well, and I felt satisfied. I also delivered my farewell speech. During the farewell moment, some friends told me how much they loved me and thanked me for being with them. That moment made me feel radiant and shy, something I had never experienced in a classroom setting. It made me feel like a Barbie in the movie “Princess Charm School”.

Finally, it was time to say goodbye. I hugged most of my friends, saying, “Goodbye” and “See you” again and again. One of my friends said, “See you next week!” and I was shocked "Umm...?”. Then I realized that the day we would meet again was just a week away, I had lost track of the date. Instead of feeling sad like I usually do when saying goodbyes, I felt happy and hopeful that time by thinking to see them again next week. I noticed that I had grown used to farewells, and I wondered how many more goodbyes I would have to say to my beloved ones in the future.

In the taxi, I reflected on the past two weeks at Asherm; the moment I told the teacher that speaking English carefully made it even harder for me to express myself, and how I later noticed my mindful approach to speaking; my friend’s enthusiastic “Sooooo good!” during dinner; the naughty moments with my naughty friends; my friend’s nightly chants in the meditation center; the friend who disappeared when the crowd became too loud; the friend who loved meditation practice; the friend who found joy in sweeping every day; the classroom assistant friends who were so good at English, noticeably and inspiringly; the little girl-friend who always called me 'romantic girl' after I danced to a K-pop song, she called me 'K-pop girl'; the older Burmese friend who was fluent in Japanese and spoke English with a Japanese accent; the friend who spoke Burmese with a native accent; the friend who, like a carefree child, seemed unbothered by anything; the friend who always looked sleepy; the younger friend who studied all the time; the friend who dressed in her own freestyle way; the laughter of a friend when I sang about her name; the friend who always teased me about being single; the times I sang and danced again and again; my Thai friend excitedly eating Myanmar tea leaf salad; joking with my friends about the male friends during sauna time; eating spicy food in front of my Japanese friends who couldn’t handle even a little spice; enjoying Nepali songs until I could sing along; the debate about whether women should control men in a relationship; singing with my Vietnamese friend; bonding with a friend through painting and sharing my secret; being bitten by countless mosquitoes, and so many other moments, like a dream.

Lost in these memories, I finally fell asleep in the taxi on my way back home and kept dreaming about them until the next morning.

Shwe Thinn

My Diary Over the Past Two Weeks Part-1

Life is full of splendid moments.

In a moment of tears, I thought I wouldn’t move from my room, filled with loneliness, hopelessness, exhaustion, and fear. I wanted to cancel all my plans. But then, a small spark from my conscious mind whispered, "You should go. You should continue."

Like a traveler who had packed the bag a week in advance yet ended up packing again at midnight for a sudden trip, I, too, made my decision with uncertainty. That morning, I didn’t sleep in the taxi, unlike someone who falls asleep every time while riding in a car, even on a motorbike during a long trip. My mind was restless, wondering what lay ahead in the coming two weeks. The taxi driver, in a friendly tone, reassured me, "You can sleep peacefully with no worries; the journey is long." But I couldn’t rest. My thoughts were consumed by heartbreak and the looming deadlines of my studies.

About thirty minutes before reaching my destination, exhaustion finally took over, and I fell asleep forgetting to message my friend who was supposed to pick me up. As soon as I arrived at the gate, memories of the past flooded my mind. Standing before the canal, where I had to cross by a rope-pulled boat, I found myself lost in thought. Instead of figuring out how to get across with my luggage, I reflected on the times I had spent there. I used to cross this canal with friends, laugh and cry beside its waters, and sit alone, gazing at the moon for hours at midnight.

Just then, my friend waved at me from the other side and took me across in the boat. Even as I arrived, I kept reminiscing about my past rather than thanking him. When I reached the place, my friend from India and another lady, who also seemed Indian, greeted me warmly. "Why didn’t you contact me to pick you up from the port?" she asked. At that moment, I became fully present and explained that I had fallen asleep in the taxi. She then took me to the dining hall for breakfast, where some people greeted me while others looked at me like a stranger.

Before class started, I hesitated about where to sit, feeling anxious about how others might perceive me. I considered sitting outside the circle, but a friend gently reassured me, "This is your place. We planned this seat for you as a participant." I avoided making eye contact, instead staring at the wall and ceiling, secretly searching for my childhood friend, who I knew would be joining the class. She arrived just before the session began. The moment I saw her, I felt a rush of happiness and called out to her excitedly, letting her know I was there. With her presence, I felt more at ease.

When the class started, the teacher invited me to the front to introduce myself alongside another new friend. Part of me felt confident in my English, but another part was shy and nervous under the gaze of my classmates. After that, class began with a poem, which made me delighted because I love poetry. The teacher instructed us to read it, try to understand its meaning, and then discuss our interpretations. The poem was The Guest House by Rumi. After finishing the morning class, feeling both new and unsettled, I sat where the sunlight filtered through the leaves, writing in my tiny notebook about the feelings in my heart, mostly about missing someone.

That evening, during dinner, my friends were discussing fortune-telling. Curious, I read the lines on their palms, making guesses about their lives. Surprisingly, some of my predictions aligned with their current situations. I realized that people are always eager to know their future, just as I am. I, too, wondered what lay ahead for me, yet I knew I could not predict it.

On the second day, I attended a mindful consumption class led by another trainer, which made me reflect on what I had learned about consumption seven years ago. Back then, I promised myself to be a minimalist, but I am still far from it, as I love wearing colorful accessories to feel beautiful and stylish. However, I became more conscious about microplastics and microbeads, which I am currently studying at my university. While my academic learning sometimes disappoints me, at that moment, it made me happy. During the session, when everyone had to make a promise, I pledged to express gratitude before eating. Yet, I still forget every time and instead prefer to say 'Itadakimasu' in Japanese; a phrase that has been ingrained in my mind ever since I started learning Japanese eight years ago.

Next day, before class began, I was writing in my notebook when a classmate approached me and said, "You are so cute." That small compliment lifted my spirits, making me feel positive about the day ahead. But unexpectedly, that day was a counseling session. People opened up about their struggles, revealing raw emotions; pain, fear, anger, sorrow. It felt intense and overwhelmingly real, unlike the daily life I’m used to, where people often pretend to be okay.

I was caught off guard, wide-eyed, wondering, "What is wrong with these people?" as I was unaware of the class agenda. One of my friends was shrinking into herself, crying. The teacher then instructed us to pair up for a co-counseling session, where we would talk and listen to each other. I paired up with my childhood friend, who shared how she felt about the class. At that moment, I finally understood the purpose of the session. I began to grasp the deeper currents of this environment, the way emotions flowed freely, the way people connected. It was then that I started to trust them, feeling more comfortable among them.

Later, during lunch, I sat with a friend from Korea, whom I had met in India. We reminisced about the conference we attended together. He then asked me about the situation in Myanmar and my family. The mention of my country made me miss my parents and little sister. The anxieties and guilt that had weighed on me for days resurfaced. But at the same time, I appreciated that someone from another part of the world recognized the struggles we were going through.

That afternoon, the emotional intensity did not fade. A Myanmar friend presented a song titled 'Kyal', a tribute to the heroes who had died in the coup. As the music video played showing scenes of protests, gunfire, and grieving families, I could not contain my emotions. The moment I saw the image of three raised fingers on the screen, a symbol of our unwavering resistance against the military coup, my heart pounded, my body trembled with fear, and memories of the past came rushing back.

I remembered protesting with my friends, running when the police chased us. I remembered my ex-boyfriend leaving for another town to join the larger movement. I remembered the night I received a call saying he had been arrested. I remembered another call telling me he had been beaten in prison. I remembered the threats from the prison officer. The nights I sobbed in my dark room after hearing that two of my friends had been taken. That evening, I left the house while my friends were being arrested on the way. The moment my parents called, begging me not to return home. The time the police came searching for me. The amulet my mother gave me, hoping it would keep me safe from arrest.

Overwhelmed, I covered my face with my hands and sobbed uncontrollably. I forgot that I was surrounded by people who didn’t know me deeply. But after the song ended, I realized I wasn’t crying alone. Many others were in tears, moved by our pain as Myanmar participants. At that moment, I felt something shift within me. I felt a warmth, a sense of shared humanity, of people standing together against injustice and cruelty.

And for the first time in a long while, I felt safe again.

Another day passed as we watched a movie about racial segregation in America, The Freedom Writers. The senseless violence and discrimination created by people in this world reminded me of how chaotic and unjust things are everywhere. During the movie reflection session, I shared my experiences of discrimination as a Muslim-Buddhist hybrid when I applied for a national identity card in middle school. I was eager to share, but the time limit was only three minutes.

After that session, we participated in an activity where we had to rank how useful our mother language is in the world. To my surprise, I noticed that we, the Myanmar participants including myself, instantly chose the lowest rank without thinking twice. We even laughed and made jokes about how useless our mother language is globally. Yet, despite everything, I felt proud of us. We are resilient people in this vast world filled with oppression.

A productive week of making connections with new friends quickly passed, and the weekend arrived, bringing more memorable moments. I spent time playing guitar with a friend who was deeply passionate about music. At first, I thought it would be difficult to connect with her, I wasn’t sure how to approach her because of her teenage energy, which made it seem like she didn’t care much about others. I saw her as a free spirit. But as we played guitar together, I discovered her warmth and thoughtfulness. It felt like I was seeing beyond the walls she had built around herself. That night, as we danced in a moment of healing, I felt our bond deepen like sinking into the vast ocean of closeness.

That afternoon, a Japanese friend made a heartfelt wish for the people of Myanmar, marking four years since the coup. Even though I didn’t fully understand his chant in Japanese, I could feel the warmth and sacredness of the moment. It was as if our wishes were soaring through the air, spreading positive energy to the people of Myanmar. Although I am someone who believes in action more than wishes, at that moment, I truly believed in the power of the positive energy we created together in the universe. I felt deeply grateful to my Japanese friends, their constant softness, calmness, and kindness touched me profoundly.

What a productive weekend! On Sunday morning, I participated in a library makeover, arranging books and cleaning the space. It made me so happy and nostalgic, reminding me of the library activities I used to join with my friends in my hometown. I felt energized through action rather than sitting in a classroom reading academic books in one place. In that moment, I realized that Asherm is a truly special place with so many good books, and I wondered how many other places like this exist in the world. I would love to visit and explore them. Unfortunately, that day, I had an allergic reaction to cat fur and dust, one of my eyes became swollen and red. I felt embarrassed because I aspire to be an environmental activist, yet here I was, allergic to nature itself! How ironic!

One of the funniest moments of the weekend happened in the evening. The cook from the dining hall had gone home for the weekend, so we had to eat outside at a restaurant. While there, I noticed a young guy who immediately caught my attention. He reminded me of someone who had once secretly loved me and confessed his feelings just once. This boy at the restaurant was my type; tall, wearing glasses, and looking like a nerd. But then I started wondering about his age. Something told me he was much younger than me, so I was eager to find out. On Sunday, one of my friends told me he was just fourteen. I was shocked, he was literally half my age! He could be my son! I wanted to laugh at myself. At that moment, I truly felt old. But I still joked about my little "interest" in him with my friends, and we had so much fun laughing about it.

Playing volleyball with my two Vietnamese friends was also an unforgettable moment in the first week. Meanwhile, other friends were playing badminton nearby. One of the Vietnamese friends was very outgoing, while the other was a quiet and reserved girl. Suddenly, the outgoing one shouted 'Oppa' at our Korean friend, making all of us burst into laughter. At that moment, I whispered to her to call him 'Ajeossi' instead, and we laughed even harder like we didn't have a care in the world. I always wish I could play volleyball freely without worrying about time, place, or restrictions unlike at university, where we have to register first, consider the hostel's closing time, and don’t even own a volleyball. But this time, I had the volleyball in my hands, and I realized I could play anytime, even in the morning, even if I were alone. Playing volleyball made me feel youthful and refreshed, even though my hands turned red and bruised. It reminded me of my university days when I spent almost every evening in the recreation center. I also wondered why weren’t there badminton and volleyball games when I was in Asherm two years ago?

By doing so, my weekend was once again filled with laughter, heart-fluttering moments, and unforgettable experiences, one of the most beautiful weekends of my life.

To be continued...

Shwe Thinn